Gender Discrimination: The Silent Battle Starting at Home
Gender discrimination, though often discussed in broad societal terms, has its roots deeply embedded in the home. Despite progress in many areas, traditional gender roles and biases continue to shape how children are treated, even in today's society. Through my personal experiences, I have witnessed firsthand how these deep-seated prejudices manifest, often in subtle but profound ways, impacting the way boys and girls are perceived and treated from an early age.
In 2004, I encountered a striking example of this while visiting Sambalpur University. As I made my way to the Administrative Building, I ran into one of my former students. She introduced me to her friend, a girl named Jitu. The name caught my attention because, in Indian culture, "Jitu" is typically associated with boys. I casually mentioned, "You don’t have any brothers, and among three sisters, you are the youngest." Jitu was taken aback by my accurate observation. She asked me how I knew, but I tactfully avoided answering. The reality was, in India, the desire for a male child is so ingrained that many families, when faced with multiple daughters, express their unfulfilled longing for a son by giving the youngest daughter a traditionally male name or even dressing her like a boy.
This trend, as I have seen, stems from the belief that a family is incomplete without a son. If a couple has their first child and it's a girl, the hope for a boy often intensifies with the second pregnancy. If the second child is again a girl, the pressure and societal expectations push them to try once more. When the third child is also a girl, many parents stop trying, reluctantly accepting that their desire for a son will remain unfulfilled. However, this unexpressed longing is often projected onto the youngest daughter. She is given a boy's name, sometimes dressed in boys’ clothing, and even treated as a surrogate son in many ways. This isn't a celebration of the girl's individuality or potential but rather a reflection of the parents' internalized disappointment and societal pressure.
A similar incident occurred in 1993, when I took on the role of Principal at an English medium school. Two young sisters were studying there—one in UKG and the other in LKG. I noticed that the younger sister often came to school dressed in boys' uniforms. When I inquired, I learned that her parents had made this choice because they wanted a son. They dressed their daughter as a boy to fulfill their own unmet desires. After counseling the parents, I managed to convince them to stop this practice. "A boy should be treated as a boy, and a girl should be treated as a girl," I urged them, highlighting the importance of allowing children to embrace their own identities.
This bias isn't just restricted to clothing or names; it permeates the very language we use. Many parents in India, influenced by media or societal norms, often refer to their daughters as "Beta" (son). While they may intend it as a sign of affection or equality, it subtly reinforces the idea that being male is somehow preferable. Parents who proudly declare, "My daughters are like my sons," may believe they are promoting gender equality. However, this statement itself underscores the deep-rooted notion that a son's status is more desirable, and that daughters must be equated to sons to gain the same value.
On the flip side, if a boy were to be called "Beti" (daughter), it would likely provoke an immediate, adverse reaction. Boys are conditioned from an early age to reject anything perceived as feminine, as though being associated with femininity is inherently negative. This societal conditioning clearly demonstrates that gender discrimination isn't just a public issue; it begins at home, often unknowingly perpetuated by well-meaning parents.
The consequences of this subtle gender discrimination can be profound. Girls grow up believing they must emulate boys to be valued, while boys are taught to distance themselves from anything feminine to maintain their status. Over time, these ingrained beliefs shape how individuals perceive their worth, limiting both girls and boys from fully embracing their true selves.
In reality, both boys and girls, when given equal opportunities, have the potential to excel and thrive in all areas of life. Society must learn to value children for who they are, not for who they are expected to be based on gender. Charity, they say, begins at home, and so does discrimination. The time has come for parents to consciously break these cycles and allow their children to grow into their own identities, free from the shackles of gender bias.
By addressing these biases early—by recognizing the power of language, the significance of names, and the importance of treating children with equal respect and opportunities—parents can play a vital role in shaping a more equitable future. Gender discrimination is not just a societal issue; it's a personal one, rooted in the choices we make every day, beginning within the four walls of our homes.
